For those of you out there that are horror aficionados, Hush is pretty much typical highway horror fare. It feels like it was written by someone who is not a horror aficionado, and has no idea that movies like Hush have already been made. It’s not clearly ripping anything off, but it does nothing absolutely original either. It’s as if this person subconsciously tapped into films like Joy Ride, Highwaymen, and The Hitcher… and came up with a cheap amalgamation of all those infinitely better films. Don’t get me wrong, Hush isn’t that bad, but it lacks anything even remotely approaching originality. The only thing that makes the film stand out is that it was filmed in England… and who knew they had enough island highways to be able to make a film that is all about the road?

Hush follows that generic storyline of the “couple at odds,” whose love is put into a horrifying situation to see if it can withstand the test. Two characters, Zakes and Beth, are cruising around at night because Zakes’ job, when he isn’t procrastinating at writing a book, is to replace those shitty posters you always find in bathroom stalls. As they are cruising along, Zakes gets cut off by a trucker, and he sees a naked chick in the back of the truck. They follow the truck and try and do stuff which doesn’t work out, and then they give up, which creates a bitchy little fight that tarnishes the characters and makes them completely unlikeable. At the next rest stop they stop at, Zakes’ chick is kidnapped. Now Zakes must fight to retrieve his vaginal property, without the help of the cops, a cell phone, or any common sense. Zakes must plow through clichés, contrivances, and general dumbassery… to save his cheating who-er girlfriend. The plot of the film is easily the worst part of the movie.

The film was written and directed by Mark Tonderai, and while Tonderai may be laughable as a writer, as a director he actually has some skill… no balls, but some skill. The look of the film is solid and dripping with ambience and great lighting. Even though these characters are basically sitting in cars doing nothing, Tonderai manages to make it visually interesting, even if the plot threatens to make your brains drip out of your ears. The action sequences are serviceable, but they lack the brutality and the violence that would be required to overcome the generic nature of the film. Similarly, Tonderai does nothing with his characters and they seem rather two-dimensional, dumb, and annoying. With a better script, I think Tonderai could make a great flick, because visually and pacing-wise he is pretty good.

The actors and actresses in the film suck in general. They’re not bad, but they lack any sort of charisma and the viewer could really care less what happened to these two douches. It reminds me a lot of Open Water, where you have two a-holes in a terrifying situation, but you couldn’t care less because the characters are about as likeable as someone that rapes your dog. There’s no one worth commenting on here.

The special effects in the film are almost completely absent. There is no real gore factor here, and this neuters the film a little bit… leaving it limp, weak, and incapable of fucking the audience into submission. Hell, there isn’t even any nudity. If I was some crazy chick-abducting fucker, you think I’d leave chicks sitting in cages with their clothes on? The film needs more violence, more nudity, and more balls.

Hush is clichéd and nut-less, and this makes the film not worth watching. It’s not put together badly, and if you had seen every horror movie ever made and all you had left was this one, then I would say go ahead and watch it. Similarly, if you read that beginning paragraph and thought, ‘Highway horror? I’ve never heard of such a thing,’ then you could probably watch this movie and not feel like it was a pile of clichés.

Final Synopsis: It’s not necessarily a bad movie, it simply has nothing new to offer. I say skip it.

Points Lost: -2 for an unoriginal plot, -1 for unlikeable characters, -1 for a lack of balls, -1 for generally bland writing, -1 for a stupid title

Lesson Learned: If you see a naked chick in the back of a truck, it’s your responsibility to do something about it… unless you get tired of trying.

Burning Question: Did they really try and set up a sequel to this shit?

Hush
4/10

Tags: 2009, christine bottomley, highway horror, horror, horror movie, kidnapped, kidnapped chicks, latest independent film reviews, latest independent movie reviews, latest indie movie reviews, latest indie reviews, latest movie reviews, mark tonderai, new independent film review, new independent movie reviews, new indie movie reviews, new indie reviews, recent3, william ash