It sucks when people miss the boat as the people behind Stump the Band so clearly have. Stump the Band is one of those films that is just a few years too late. It plays as a precursor to the extreme films that have been coming out recently, combining crude as fuck humor with extreme moments of slut-itude. With films like Gutterballs, Goregasm, and even Amateur Porn Star Killer 2 taking over much of the space on underground horror fans shelves these days, it’s unfortunate that the film didn’t come out a few years ago, because it acts as the missing link between the traditional horror movie and the nouveau porn horror that is taking the indie world by storm.

Yeah, the film has its flaws, much like most of these low-budget shockfests do. Hell, if they had the money, they would just hire some big name actors and actresses, tone down the plot, and feed it to the masses for wholesale consumption. But they don’t have the money, so what you get is Stump the Band, one of the most interesting premises to come along in years. A female punk rock group is stranded in the woods in their broken down tour van. Along come a bunch of backwoods hicks… led by a crazy foot fetish dude who wants to hack all the feet off of the chicks. With the help of his hipster friend and a dogboy, he begins his fetishistic barrage of brutality in a no holds barred fight for control of the feet. I know… it sounds awesome, and I’m sure Quentin Tarantino owns a copy of the film, but it’s not all as great as it’s cracked up to be.

First off… when I hear the phrase “punk rock” in a film’s summary… I expect true punk rock, not some ignorant bastard’s version of punk rock where chicks dress slutty and are played by 30 year old failed actresses who appear in the movie simply because they have bastard children to feed. Granted, there are like five real punk rockers out there… but at least try a little harder. For those of you punkers out there looking for a good time full of anarchy, death, and general misbehavery, you’re not going to find it here.

The film is so one-note that it puts Kenny G’s world record saxophone note to shame. The characters are flat, two-dimensional, thoroughly abrasive, and just plain unlikable. The writing of the characters is just plain miserable, and the lack of any real depth to the characters renders the movies momentum dead in the water. This is especially true considering that most of the first hour of the film is spent watching these tool bags yell at each other over petty shit, which occasionally provides the opportunity for a nice zinger or two, but more often than not just results in the one douche bag male character calling one of the girls a dyke or a bitch.

The real fault in the movie lies in the film’s direction. JoJo Hendrickson and William Holmes clearly have some potential as far as ideas go, but in actually realizing the story they want to tell, they have nothing. The pacing of the film is completely off, and it’s front loaded with conversational filler and character flaws that no one even gives a shit about. Quite honestly, I couldn’t tell the female characters apart, because there was no actual differentiation among the characters, apart from hair color and the fact that one of the girls looked pixie-ish.

The film’s gore effects and kills take way too long to happen. When they do happen they are crammed into the film tighter than an emo dude’s package into his girl jeans… which renders emo kids and this movie impotent. The gore and the special effects are alright, but you just wish it was sprinkled a little more throughout the movie instead of in one half hour payoff.

With Stump the Band, all the pieces are in place for a solid movie. You’ve got crude humor, a foot collector, a dogboy, some punk rock chicks, and a few killer murders, but the edges are so rough that all of this amounts to jack squat. Had the film had a little more money and a little better writing, it could have really been something.

Final Synopsis: This film is close to being worth watching… but it falls a little short. If you can’t get enough of slasher flicks, you might be able to make it through the film, but I’m not making any promises. If you’re not into horror flicks or slasher flicks, in particular, then stay away.

Points Lost: -1 for too much talking and bickering between characters that suck, -1 for two dimensional characters, -1 for a bad pace, -1 for not really understanding the concept of punk rock, -1 for some bad writing

Lesson Learned: Get your movie out before it looks dated, which despite it just being released on DVD, Stump the Band is.

Burning Question: Seriously… what are the odds that Tarantino has this in his collection?

Stump the Band
5/10

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