Jason X (2001) - DVD Movie Reviews
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It’s hard to figure out what is the worst film in the Friday the 13th franchise, mostly because the battle between Part VII and Jason X is so even. Either one of these films would stand as the worst flicks of any franchise, but when compared to each other, it becomes almost an impossible task to figure out which one is in fact shittier. I’m going to go ahead and say it’s Jason X, just to be done with the whole thing.
When I was younger, this was a film that I actually saw in the theater, and while I wasn’t impressed, my unformed critical mind let me wander out of the theater thinking that it was okay… not okay enough to ever watch again, but okay enough to bury in the back of your mind somewhere. Now, seven years later, I have returned to the scene of the crime and found, without a doubt, one of the stupidest and most forgettable slasher flicks that has ever existed. Halfway through this film, I was wishing I was watching a Scarecrow movie… that’s how bad it was.
For some stupid reason, the filmmakers decided to take Jason into outer space. That’s all this is, the transplant of a slasher icon into outer space. Jason, after killing David Cronenberg and being cryogenically frozen, is found by a team of douche bags. They bring him back to their spaceship where he revives and kills an army of forgettable people with the world’s stupidest character names. These bland future-types must stop Jason from killing everyone on the ship with the help of some shitty soldiers, a poorly-acted and uncharismatic android, and a bunch of midriff baring skeezes. In the future, no woman’s shirt is long enough to cover their stomachs.
James Isaac’s space slasher missed the shuttle by some five years, as Pinhead was the first horror icon to take their special brand of terror into outer space. This was soon followed by the Leprechaun franchise. Despite the fact that neither of these movies was actually successful, the filmmakers thought that it would be a good idea to copy an unsuccessful formula and launch a now ‘roided out and completely ridiculous Jason character into outer space.
Isaac’s film is easily the worst looking of the Friday the 13th flicks. The soundstage feel and cheap production values combine with subpar cinematography to create a truly ugly movie to behold. The pace of the film is stupid, the complete lack of character development is annoying, and the changes in Jason himself are out of this world frustrating. Isaac does nothing to add to the quality of this film except for get a couple of chicks naked and boost the bodycount.
The cast of this film is embarrassingly low quality. There isn’t a single person here worth their salt, except for the amazing visual look of Peter Mensah, who plays Captain Brodski, the asskicking leader of the soldiers on board the spaceship. Mensah looks cool, but his character is still stuck in a shitty movie.
The kills in the film are pretty solid. There is a nice blend of CGI and practical effects on display here. It seems the filmmakers thought that all fans of Jason wanted in a movie was boobs and blood… and for the most part this is usually a solid approach to take, but not when your movie has the cinematic I.Q. of an adult diaper commercial. Still, there are some excellent kills to be seen here and there, with the best kill involving a frozen face being smashed on a counter in a stunning display of unabashed brutality.
The worst part about this film is the performance of Kane Hodder as Jason. Hodder’s chubby wanderings are a far cry from the smooth and cold sadism of early incarnations of Jason. The simple outline of Jason in parts 1-6 was enough to send chills up the spines of slasher friends everywhere. In Jason X, Jason looks like a tall, fat dude with a really bad haircut and the lamest mask ever. He doesn’t inspire fear so much as he conjures memories of drunken relatives.
This is one of the stupidest films in all of slasherdom. The lack of anything resembling respect for horror fans is truly disconcerting, and there are only three moments in the film that really stand out. The first and second moments are when David Cronenberg is killed and when the girl gets her frozen face smashed in. The final moment involves an excellent holographic scene involving a couple of young ladies who like to smoke weed and have premarital sex. Other than that, this is ninety minutes of pure, unadulterated garbage.
Final Synopsis: This is the worst Friday the 13th out there. It has three good moments and a whole lot of bleh. Skip it… or pay someone tons of money to have copies of this film actually shot out into space. It’s the only way Jason in space would ever be cool. Scratch that… what if aliens found a copy of this? They would think we’re cavemen or something.
Points Lost: -1 for sending Jason into space, way to be original New Line, -1 for lame characters, -1 for shit acting, -1 for bad direction, -1 for looking like a Cinemax softcore porn flick, -1 for Jason looking stupid, -1 for bad writing, -1 for Kane Hodder’s shitty performance… yet again
Lesson Learned: In the future, girls wear shirts that leave their torsos exposed.
Burning Question: How did Jason grow his hair back?
Jason X
2/10
(2 votes, average: 3 out of 5)
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you gotta have a +1 for being in space. and a +1 for uberjason. i agree that this is a terrible movie. yet it is one of my guilty pleasures and i love it. and for that, i will vote this a full 5 stars, to offset the low rating. hahahahahahah! take that!
You bastard. This movie is miserable shit. Uberjason is retarded and contrary to what you’re saying, in space = -1.