It seems like every other week there’s a new damn CGI cartoon hitting the theaters. Why? Because people with kids don’t give a fuck about how good a movie is as long as it entertains their kids. On top of that, kids are entertained by anything that even remotely resembles a cartoon. Why when I was just a young whipper snapper myself, I remember watching fucking Heathcliff… the poor man’s Garfield. I knew it was terrible, but I watched it anyway because it had a bunch of colors. That all being said, Planet 51 is nothing you should go out of your way for, unless you’re one of those poor bastards who has been saddled with kids. You deserve everything you get if you’re out there having children.

The film is a classic case of flipping the script. Rather than having aliens show up on a human planet and having humans freak out, they film has a human landing on an alien planet and freaking everyone out. A group of teenagers seem to be the only people with any brains on the entire planet, as they are the only ones who realize the human isn’t out to kill them or turn them into zombies. Despite this fact, the government still wants to capture the alien and take him apart. With the help of his newfound friends, the human must figure out a way to get back to his ship and make it home.

Planet 51 is an odd mix of humor. Most of it is dumb as fuck and just intelligent enough to keep a Corky laughing. However, sprinkled into the film are delightfully out of place moments that would seem a little to risqué for a film whose main demographic is a group of people who may or may not piss the bed at night. Jokes about anal probing abound… and you almost feels as if Andy Dick was brought in to consult on the film.

The animation is actually sort of bland. The colors aren’t popping and much of the film takes place in tedious tones. Everything has an otherworldy feel, and the ‘50s-like society offers up loads of potential for visual variety, but it isn’t taken advantage of. The characters are interesting looking but lack much detail, while the aliens look like poor man’s versions of Shrek.

The voice acting in the film is forgettable. You’d almost forget that Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was “the star” of this movie, because his vocal performance lacks charisma, charm, or anything that almost made The Rock a movie star… notice I said almost. Justin Long is terrible as Lem. Long voice, which is merely troublesome when it comes blabbering out of his own head, is actually pretty damn annoying when it comes spewing forth from an alien head. Jessica Biel shows up to be just as bad as she usually is… only there are no boobs to look at.

Planet 51 isn’t the worst thing you’ll ever see, but it’s not something you need to go out of your way for. It’s forgettable in every aspect, and if I see another cute fucking robot in a CGI cartoon, I’m going to shit my pants and then smear the turds all over kids walking out of an elementary school. It’s their fault that things suck, after all.

Final Synopsis: Is it great? No. It’s so mediocre that it’s not even worth talking about. Skip it.

Points Lost: -1 for a less than impressive color palette, -1 for a boring story, -1 for odd amounts of anal probing jokes, -1 for weak voice-acting, -1 for a boring and trite second half

Lesson Learned: Aliens will probe your anus.

Burning Question: Would you want a pet that pissed acid? How long do you think that dog will hold it in the spaceship before it has to piss and ruins the hull integrity of the astronaut’s spaceship?

Planet 51
5/10

Tags: 2009, cartoon, CGI, cgi animation, dwayne "the rock" johnson, family movie, gary oldman, jessica biel, Justin Long, kid's movie, latest movie reviews