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Terminator 2: Judgment Day is incorrectly lauded as the best of The Terminator franchise, and while technically superior to the original film, and light years beyond the third film, those that like good movies know exactly what Terminator 2 is… and that is an over-rated, family friendly, Oscar winning, piece of garbage. That it won those Oscars for effects work, makeup and sound is justified, but this film’s place in the Pantheon of great sci-fi flicks is laughable. Once you look past all the glitz and glamour that comes with a huge budget, you’ll find a typical summer blockbuster, devoid of nuts and ruined by standard-issue summer blockbuster elements. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not a bad movie; it’s just not the greatest, or anywhere near as awesome as the original Terminator.

The film starts off with two dudes appearing butt-naked in the street… which is awfully similar to what happens when Jake Gyllenhaal gets drunk for a whole evening… allegedly. They are both Terminators. One is sent back from the future to kill John Connor, the other is sent back to protect them… even though Reese from the first film never mentioned that there would be another set of Terminators in the future and he was the last person to use Skynet’s time travel device before it was blown up on the verge of humanity’s salvation… it’s a tiny plot hole, but an annoying one. Anyway, these two Terminators set out to find John Connor and duke it out. The good Terminator, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, who with this film takes his first steps into suck-ville, looks and acts just like The Terminator from the first film, only this time he’s a good guy. The second Terminator, is called a T1000 and has the ability to take the form of people and objects… as long as they are his size and not too complex. John Connor must save his mom and prevent Cyberdyne Systems from creating Skynet… all while struggling with puberty, his red-headed, mullet having friend, and his own attachment to big strong men.

From a technical standpoint, Terminator 2 is awesome. There’s a reason it was nominated for best cinematography, because Terminator 2 has some of the best looking action scenes out there, scenes that are full of color and way more beautiful than a sci-fi flick has any business putting onscreen… which is possibly why this film went 25 million over budget. James Cameron brings his amazing sense of action and style to the film, which would, sadly, be the last time it would ever be on display… and don’t give me any of that Titanic bullshit. The pace of the film is off during the film’s last 45 minutes, where it slows down to a crawl and becomes overly emotional. I’m sorry, but a kid’s emotional attachment to his pet robot isn’t interesting; it’s fucking stupid.

The worst part about the film is just how lame they made The Terminator, which is partly Arnold Schwarzenegger’s fault as he wanted a more “family friendly” role in the movie… which means that Arnold Schwarzenegger is a giant pussy. Seriously, how can a guy go from punching a camel in the face and knocking it out in Conan the Barbarian to not wanting to kill anyone onscreen? You mean… you want to replace brutal killing with one-liners? You want your defining moment in this film to be when you speak Spanish and say “Hasta la vista, baby?” instead of saying “I’ll be back,” and then mowing down a whole police station? Lame. That being said, the only thing The Terminator actually terminates is another Terminator… and any respect for Arnold Schwarzenegger that I ever had.

The second shitty thing about the movie is Edward Furlong. The kid was just getting hair on his balls, which is understandably a terrifying thing, but that’s no excuse for shit acting. I suppose Furlong is a better choice than a lot of child actors out there, but that’s not saying much. Yeah, the story takes place when John Connor is a kid, so you’re going to have to have a child actor… I get that. But how about we not make the kid such a whiny little bitch, who cries all the time and makes the Terminator a pussy? I kept waiting for John Connor to command the Terminator to put on a pink dress.

The special effects in the film still hold up to this very day. While some of the CGI scenes may look a little hokey at times, they’re still better than 50 percent of the movies that use CGI these days. There are some cool kills here and there, but not nearly enough to equal the brutal awesomeness of the original Terminator flick. Again, the film bitches out on one of the things that made the first movie great.

Terminator 2, despite all my bagging on it, is still a very watchable film. For those of us growing up in the ‘90s it even has the reek of nostalgia all over it, but don’t let that trick you into thinking that it’s better than the first film, because it’s not even close.

Final Synopsis: Terminator 2 is a solid sci-fi flick. It’s really nothing special, but it deserves a watch. If you like shit exploding and kids bossing around Arnold Schwarzenegger, then you should definitely check it out… after you’ve seen the first one.

Points Lost: -1 for the bitchifying of the Terminator, -1 for a lame kid, -1 for some plot holes

Lesson Learned: Sometimes the strange creepy dude in the back corridor of the mall is your friend… you owe it to them to experience their protective hug.

Burning Question: Anyone else bothered by the fact that this Terminator looks just like the Terminator in the first film? How hard could it be to spot a Terminator if they all look like the Governor of California, a racist Republican that actually thinks he’s American?

Terminator 2: Judgment Day
7/10

Tags: 1991, action, adventure, Arnold Schwarzenegger, edward furlong, edward furlong's screechy voice, james cameron, jenette goldstein, joe morton, killer cyborgs, killer robots, latest movie reviews, linda hamilton, nikki cox, recent2, robert patrick, sci-fi, sci-fi movie, science fiction, science fiction movie, xander berkeley