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The film follows the exploits of a team of specialists who are pros at selling cars in a weekend. The leader of this group is one Don Ready, an empty man who attempts to find meaning in the littlest of things… when he’s not trying to get in chicks’ pants. Along for the ride are Jibby (Ving Rhames), Brent (David Koechner), and Babs (Kathryn Hahn), people just as flawed as Don Ready himself. Jibby is on a quest to make love to a woman… despite having bagged hundreds of chicks, Brent is busy fending off the homosexual advances of the owner of the dealership they are trying to help, and Babs is busy trying to get a 10-year-old to fuck her… a situation which I’m still wondering if I should find funny or be disgusted about. But such is the genius of The Goods, there will be times where you will laugh, times where you’ll be confused about the humor, and other times where you will be completely annoyed. In short, The Goods is a hit and miss mess.

Director Neal Brennan, co-creator of Chappelle’s Show and director of Half-Baked, fails to make a big splash in his return to mainstream cinema. Brennan’s film feels patched together, and nowhere does Brennan manage to maintain the seamless energy that is required to make a comedy work. Once all of the character’s personal problems pop up, everything turns to shit. While the crew is busy selling cars or talking about selling cars, The Goods is excellent, but this is all too seldom. Brennan does a miserable job of creating interesting characters, despite loads of jokes and scenes designed to do so. Every character in the film is as despicable as the rest. In the end, it comes off like an episode of Jerry Springer rather than a comedy. Maybe that’s the route they were going, or maybe not, but the end result is a film which will only play out well for a select group of individuals.

The cast of the film is excellent for the most part. Jeremy Piven does his best to carry the show as Don “The Goods” Ready. He captures some of that charismatic a-hole-ness that he is famous for in movies like PCU and Judgment Night… curiously though, he seems to have more hair now than he did in those movies. Ving Rhames does a solid acting job, but his character is inconsequential, and should have been written better. David Koechner is in a similar boat as Rhames, as his character, despite the potential for some funny moments, doesn’t actually do anything. Kathryn Hahn is delightful as Babs, the lone female of the group. Hahn is foul-mouthed and hilarious for most of the film. The only great parts in The Goods are reserved for the bit players. Charles Napier plays a hilarious war veteran with a short temper and a penchant for verbally abusing all those around him. Craig Robinson rocks as D.J. Request… a D.J. hired to entertain the folks buying cars. These two actors are easily the best part of the movie… and they’re only in it for like 5 minutes.

The humor in The Goods falls somewhere on the spectrum between fart jokes and pussy jokes. There’s nothing here that will feed the intellectual, but for those with a fine appreciation of the degradations of low-brow humor, there’s plenty to go around. There are even a couple of unnecessary titty shots and a killer cameo from Will Ferrell, but other than that, there’s not much else going on.

Final Synopsis: The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard is a watchable stupid comedy. It tries to be offensive and crass, but it all feels slightly forced. Give it a watch when it’s free, otherwise you’ll feel ripped off.

Points Lost: -1 for weak characterization, -1 for wasting the talents of the main actors, -1 for a forced feeling throughout, -1 for some annoying fucking angels

Lesson Learned: People singing gospel shit isn’t funny, even if they’re swearing.

Burning Question: Did you ever dream of dying while jumping out of a plane, dressed as Abe Lincoln, and holding big pink dildo?

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard
6/10

Tags: 2009, abe lincoln and a pink dildo, alan thicke, comedy, Craig Robinson, David Koechner, dirty comedy, ed helms, gina gershon, james brolin, Jeremy Piven, kathryn hahn, ken jeong, latest movie reviews, neal brennan, retard seduction, the goods movie review, the goods review, ving rhames, wendie malick, Will Ferrell