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The Thirst is another in a long string of low budget vampire movies to head straight to DVD. I did not read the box closely, or I would have seen that one of the producers behind this film, Mark A. Altman, is one of the guys guilty of producing both of the House of the Dead atrocities. Either way, I saw Jeremy Sisto’s name, vampires, and a $9.99 price tag and all of a sudden I had myself a new DVD on my hands.

The Thirst is about two recovering junkies who find themselves inducted into the vampire world by a family of sadistic vampires who seem to kill with no consequence. The couple finding that their bloodlust is just as bad as being addicted to drugs, seek to kick the habit and escape from the family the only way they know how… by killing them all. The vampire stuff is cool,; the junky stuff is just plain annoying.

The director of this movie is one Jeremy Kasten, who will be directing the upcoming movie, The Wizard of Gore starring Crispin Glover. I would not mention Kasten’s future products if I had not been so impressed with his directorial style. Much of Kasten’s movie is Spartan in its vision; however, when the violence hits it hits like a piano dropped off of a fifteen story building. The scenes of violence in this film are so frenetic and revelrous that I found myself smiling at the screen. The slick editing and use of cinematic trickery only added to the fevered pitch of the violence. If this is any indication of Kasten’s potential, then he will have a bright future in the horror biz. The only bad news is that the visuals weren’t as crisp as they could be and the look of the film clearly suffers from low-budgetitis, not Kasten’s fault, but still a drawback.

The acting in the film is ok. I want to say it is great but that would just be lying. Let’s just say that some of the characters were enjoyable. Jeremy Sisto (Wrong Turn, May), Adam Baldwin (Full Metal Jacket), and Neil Jackson (Alexander) bring all of the energy that they can muster to the screen. Even Erik Palladino shows up to reunite with his Dead and Breakfast co-star; unfortunately, he disappears about halfway through the movie… with no explanation. The rest of the cast is low-B fare, especially the main leads who are terrible. I’d rather watch an old man gut a fish and wear its intestines as a dick sleeve than cast these two talentless fucks in my movie.

The best thing about this movie is the amazing amount of gore. I can’t remember the last time I saw so many throats ripped out in a movie… and it all looked amazing. It may have been a little over the top at times, but this is the stuff cult horror movies are made of. Blood sprays the screen in unforgiving geysers as the eccentric vampire family members trade clever quips. The vampires slaughter whole rooms of people at a time, snapping limbs, ripping out throats, and spraying blood in every conceivable direction. These vampires are definitely not casting longing looks at each other from across the room… unlike one particular vampire movie that I know.

If only the sound quality of the film were of the same quality as the brutality. Many lines of dialogue are lost in background noise, which is the same because there are some killer lines in this movie. It’s not Kevin Smith funny, but some of the lines will draw a snicker or two. There might be more, but they were lost in slurping and heavy breathing sound effects that remind me of a gas station glory hole.

In the end, this film is like a combination of Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation and Near Dark… not a combination that most people will love, but for the diehard horror fan it is definitely a good thing. The junky parallel story is a little much to stomach at times, but the rest of the movie really makes up for it. Keep an eye out for several veiled Manson Family references.

Final Synopsis: This is a brutal, over the top vampire movie. It has its flaws, so for low budget haters out there, you should definitely pass this up. Vampire fans may be disappointed that these are not your sexy Interview with a Vampire undead, but if you like your vampires a little less fruity and more action oriented, then this is definitely worth a rent. I myself do not regret buying it.

Points Lost: -1 for bad lead characters, -1 for shitty sound quality, -1 for lame junky recovering junky theme, -1 for having Mark A. Altman’s name on this

Bonus Points: +1 for Jeremy Sisto… he rocked

DVD Deleted Scenes Hypothesis: I get the feeling that when the movie was finally finished and they were in the editing room, they finally noticed how bad the lead actor was… because there are about ten minutes of this guy’s monologues on the deleted scenes… and it is all unwatchable.

Burning Question: Where the hell did Erik Palladino disappear to? Some guy probably called him Tony Danza and he had to go kick his ass for a week, while the movie was being made… it’s as good a hypothesis as any other one.

The Thirst
7/10

Tags: 2006, Adam Baldwin, clare kramer, erik palladino, horror, indie horror, Jeremy Kasten, jeremy sisto, jeremy sisto rules, latest movie review, low-budget horror, recent2, so bad it's good, vampire, vampire movie, vampires