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For those that don’t know, the “Zombi” franchise (If it can even be called such.), is one of the most convoluted and strange collections of movies out there. The first Zombi film is actually Romero’s Dawn of the Dead after it had received an Argento cut and been retitled for European consumption. The second Zombi film is a Lucio Fulci flick that was made quickly to capitalize on the success of Romero’s Dawn of the Dead… it is currently known as Zombie in the States. This third flick, while having absolutely nothing to do with the first two films, is also directed by Lucio Fulci… for about half the time, as Fulci had a stroke and hackmeister Bruno Mattei came on board to finish out the rest of the film. While none of these films have anything in common. Zombi 3 continues the tradition of bold violence and flesh-eating carnage that has made Dawn of the Dead (Zombi) and Zombie (Zombi 2) cult classics.

In the film, some dumbfuck scientists are busy working on a virus called “Death 1.” After getting scared by some zombie fuck in their well-lit lab, if you consider green lights combined with a flashing red light a proper lab environment, they decide to shut down research and transport the virus. Meanwhile a van of random fucks starts cruising across the base and hijacks the virus. The military, being comprised of semi-retarded dudes who stand around doing nothing, decides to shoot at the guy with the world-ending bacteria in his hands… from a moving helicopter… with a machine gun. The only way this scenario could get any worse is if Michael J. Fox was the guy in the chopper firing the gun.

You know what happens from there. Dude gets shot. Virus gets released. Zombie shit happens. Meanwhile, a group of soldiers and a random group of chick must survive… while keeping their clothes on.

The directing in the film is at times wonderful, and then at times completely miserable. The biggest problem with this Fulci/Mattei collaboration is that there is absolutely no attention to detail. The continuity problems, logic errors, and generally poor setups are unforgiveable… but you know what? I forgive them, because they made me laugh like a fucking Gremlin. Despite the stereotypical cheapness of the film, there are some unforgettable moments of violence within this bad boy… and even, get this, an effective jump scare. I can’t remember the last time I was tricked by a jump scare, but they fucking got me on this one.

Zombi 3 definitely has its flaws… actually there are quite a few of them. The acting is miserable in the film. Even though it’s dubbed, you can still see that some of these actors were over-acting big time, especially in the case of the guy playing the Doctor in the film. This guy can’t say a single sentence without going into some sort of spastic gesticulation. Several moments in the story feel like they were ripped straight from Return of the Living Dead, from the re-animation of a girl’s boyfriend and the subsequent attack to the spreading of “Death 1” by the burning of a contaminated corpse, there really isn’t all that much original going on here.

The good news is that the only real original stuff comes in the special effects department. Zombi 3 does one thing great, and that is bringing the fucking gore like a door to door Jeffrey Dahmer. This film contains so much good stuff that I’m embarrassed that I haven’t watched it until now. You’ve got a great head explosion, a sneak attack leg-severing, and all sorts of other good shit. The zombie count is high, the spread is catastrophic, and the violence is cool as hell.

Since all most people want from a zombie flick is some good carnage, it’s easy to overlook the flaws of Zombi 3. That’s because it’s a cult classic, and this is why cult classics are called cult classics instead of simply good movies. Zombi 3 is a delicious ride of nonsensical moments and gore. It doesn’t have much of a story going for it… but a fucking head explodes so who cares? If that doesn’t sound like something that would interest you, may a flying zombie head shoot out of a refrigerator and bite your neck.

Final Synopsis: Zombi 3 rocks. You should definitely check it out at some point if you love zombies and gore… there are no boobs though. Weird.

Points Lost: -1 for bad acting, -1 for bad dubbing, -1 for weird continuity problems, -1 for breaking own zombie rules, -1 for ripping off Return of the Living Dead, -1 for labs that are lit with flashing red lights, -1 for firing at a dude holding a suitcase of world ending badness from a helicopter… with a machine gun, -1 for a dude choosing a flamethrower with three shots as a weapon… never choose the flamethrower

Bonus Points: +1 for exploding head, +1 for sneak attack leg-severing, +1 for a flying fridge head, +1 for making me laugh like a Gremlin, +1 for one awesome unnecessary commando roll

Lesson Learned: Sometimes zombies can talk… sometimes they can’t… but they always want to eat you.

Burning Question: How does a head move if it has no body?

Zombi 3
7/10

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