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I’m always wary of anything that has an exclamation point in the title. If you demand that people scream out the title of your movie, then there probably isn’t much to scream about in the first place. For the most part, this is true with Zombie Strippers!, which is exactly what you think it is… a softcore porn for the horror set that is about as titillating as sitting in a real strip club and imagining that everyone on stage is a zombie. It’s fun for a few perverts, but for the most part it’s forgettable… like that time you forgot to tell that girl about your itchy little friends that reside in your pubes.

In the film, after some extraneous and poorly handled “social commentary,” a deadly virus is unleashed on a high security army base. The virus, which turns its hosts into flesh hungry corpses eventually finds its way to a strip club. Fortunately, for the owner of the strip club, the virus elevates the strippers’ dancing abilities and the undead women start raking in the cash. Unfortunately, for everyone involved… the strippers are zombies and occasionally devour their horny patrons in the lapdance suite… and not in the “happy ending” way.

Zombie Strippers does a variety of things well. The humor in the film is filled with clever and humorous references to other cult films and there are some genuinely hilarious lines of dialogue between the strippers who are about as catty as those two old bitches that always run the tables at your local church bake sale.

The main problem with the film is that it is filled with too much stripping. I know what you’re thinking… “Aren’t naked chicks a good thing?” Of course they are… when the chicks in question are totally naked. I don’t know about you, but when I hear the title Zombie Strippers! and the top-billed name is that of a female pornstar, then I expect to see some undead taco. Sadly, there were no rotting beef curtains, just frame after frame of non-jiggling rotting implants. The film spends a good hour watching these chicks get naked and inserting a few scenes of zombie action. There are a couple solid scenes of zombie mayhem which bookend the film and which are vastly more interesting than watching bland coozes shake their titties on a generic stripper stage. Had the stripper action been melded a little more seamlessly with the zombie action, the film might not get bogged down under the strain of its artificially augmented cast.

The direction in the film is actually fairly decent. For something with this much schlock potential, I was actually semi-impressed by the crisp look of the film and the ambience that Jay Lee brings to what is basically a piece of trash aimed at suckering in horny horror fans. The pacing is off, due to Lee’s inability to meld the zombies with stripping, but there are a few moments of genius throughout the film, and Lee’s ability to get his subpar actors to deliver quality moments of levity is actually pretty inspiring… now he’s just got to work on getting his starlets to take off their panties every once in a while… seriously, how hard could it be? They’re fucking pornstars!

The cast is fairly weak throughout the film and the people that do talk are fairly forgettable. Robert Englund is one of the few bright spots in the cast… when’s the last time anyone said that? Maybe it’s all the exposed breast flesh around Englund, but he actually gives a fairly inspired performance as the shady strip club owner. Englund delivers some hilarious lines and for one of the first times since the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise stalled, I didn’t find myself wondering if he was gay or not. Jenna Jameson and her lack of acting ability is handled rather nicely as her character is turned into a zombie fairly quickly, rendering her a line-less character for the most part.

The special effects and zombie makeups are a mixed bag throughout the film. The zombies alternate between outstanding and downright cheap looking. There are a variety of wounds throughout the film and some solid practical bite effects. The CGI in the film leaves a little to be desired, but at least they throw in some good old fashioned head explosions along with some excellent cock munching. The kill rate of the film is enough to keep most horror fans engaged in between desensitizing and overly long bouts of zombies stripping.

Zombie Strippers! is what it is, a cheap exploitive flick with some rare moments of brilliance. The film could have been made a little better had it been cut down by ten to fifteen minutes and the acting could have been bumped up a notch, but for those looking for chesticles and devoured testicles, the film will do the job.

Final Synopsis: Zombie Strippers! probably won’t wind up on your DVD rack, but it can be fun for a single watch. If you’re looking for something to get you off, Zombie Strippers! is not the film. It’s just a goofy combo of sluttiness and horror that will appeal to those who hear the title and think ‘I have to see that!’ For everyone else, you can ignore this like it was the posted speed limit in a Costco parking lot.

Points Lost: -1 for bad pacing, -1 for some weak CGI, -1 for some bad acting, -1 for not showing any undead clam

Lesson Learned: Guys apparently will pay to look at anything as long as it has boobs… even if they’re falling off.

Memorable Quote: Robert Englund as Ian – “Get out! Pack your fucking shit! Get on the bread truck and haul fucking buns!”

Burning Question: Does anyone else out there automatically get turned off by a movie that has an exclamation point in the title?

Zombie Strippers
6/10

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