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Films like Danny Boyle’s 28 Days Later and Zack Snyder’s Dawn of the Dead remake, helped revitalize the zombie horror genre by giving us something we weren’t used to seeing before; the fast moving zombie. Since these zombies actually ran after their prey, these zombies proved to be much more terrifying than any incarnation we had seen on the screen before. Because of this new take on zombies, both films went on to be commercial successes. However, in 2004, the same year Snyder’s Dawn of the Dead was released, Edgar Wright released his zombie film that paid homage to the zombie films of yesteryear… with one minor difference; this film, Shaun of the Dead, was a comedy/horror. That too went on to become a hit. So, with those films being hits, studios went back to the drawing boards to see how they can rip them off and capitalize on their success. They decided to make a movie that took the fast moving zombie idea from 28 Days Later and the Dawn of the Dead remake and cross it with the comedy of Shaun of the Dead and call it Zombieland.

Zombieland gets us into the carnage right off the bat by showing us wrecked cars, crumbling builds and people running away from and getting eaten by zombies. While this is going on, we listen to the irritating voice of Jesse Eisenberg (or, as The Vocabulariast likes to call him, “the awktard”), who is breaking down his rules of survival. Anyway, after breaking one of his own rules and almost getting killed by some zombies, Columbus (Eisenberg’s character) is seen strolling down a random highway; making his way home to Columbus, Ohio, to see if his parents are still alive. It is on this strip of highway where Columbus meets the film’s best and only character you should care about; Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), a man who relishes killing zombies and is on a quest to find the deliciousness that are known as Twinkies. The two decide to stick together, at least for a little while, and start killing zombies and looking for Twinkies. Sadly, this awesomeness only lasts for a little over 23 minutes. At that point, we are introduced to Wichita (Emma Stone) and her little sister, Little Rock (the instant point reducer, Abigail Breslin).From there, up until “The Cameo”, the movie starts to take a dirtnap. But, luckily, after “The Cameo” the movie attempts to save itself by having, after a retarded decision, a pretty cool sequence in an amusement park.

Fleischer’s film starts out great with solid direction, some gore… not a lot, but enough to keep you entertained and interested in the movie… and some great chemistry between Harrelson’s Tallahassee and Eisenberg’s Columbus. But, again, that only lasts for 23 minutes. After that, every aspect of the film takes a drastic hit.

The story is poorly written and takes numerous shifts throughout. At first, the movie shifts from a zombie horror/comedy about two guys sticking together and killing zombies and looking for Twinkies to a movie about Columbus trying to impress Wichita. The sudden shift makes the movie feel like the writers didn’t have enough faith in Columbus and Tallahassee to carry it and just decided to add the love story element to give the characters something more to do than just kill zombies. When the love story takes hold, Tallahassee takes a back seat and almost becomes the retarded father figure that has to interact with Abigail Breslin. To make matters worse, the story takes yet another turn towards the end. After an idiotic decision is made by Wichita and Little Rock, one that involves them turning on all the lights and rides at an amusement park, it is up to Columbus, with Tallahassee in tow, to grow a pair of balls, save the day and get the girl. The last part is very puzzling because Wichita and Little Rock are supposed to be smart characters. I mean, they easily trick Columbus and Tallahassee not once, but twice in the film and we also learn that they were con artists before the zombie apocalypse… and being a con artist isn’t actually something a dumb person is good at. What I’m trying to say is that the retarded decision at the amusement park is completely out of character.

The acting in the movie, besides Woody Harrelson, is eh. Stone does her usual “I’m the sarcastic hot chick” routine but nothing else. Eisenberg and Breslin only serve to annoying. Check that… he starts off annoying, then once he meets Tallahassee, he does a fine job and then he gets annoying again. Breslin we don’t need to get into… all you need to know is that we Movie Cynics despise that little troll. Of course, this brings us back to Woody Harrelson; the true star of this movie. Harrelson is awesome throughout… even when he has to become the retarded father figure of the group. He’s so awesome in the movie, that you wish the entire revolved around the Tallahassee character.

The film had the potential to be the next big thing. Unfortunately, with a poorly written script that takes more shifts than an illegal immigrant, the film ends up being an alright movie… nothing special. If there is a sequel to it, the writers should look into making Tallahassee the main character and let his awesomeness shine.

Final Synopsis: Zombieland is solid for an entire 23 minutes. After that, the movie takes an unwanted shift and almost kills itself. Luckily, the film is able to save itself in the end.

Points Lost: -1 for a poorly written story that shifts too many times, -1 for the annoying “awktardedness” of Jesse Eisenberg, -1 for Abigail Breslin.

Lesson Learned: Even Bill Murray regrets Garfield.

Burning Question: Is it wrong that I wouldn’t have hesitated to shoot Breslin as soon as I heard the words, “she’s been biten”?

Zombieland
7/10

Tags: 2009, abigail breslin, awktard, Bill Murray, emma stone, horror, horror comedy, horror movie, jesse eisenberg, latest movie reviews, recent3, romantic comedy, ruben fleischer, woody harrelson, zombie boobs, zombie comedy