Ever since Zombieland was released into theaters, people have been blathering on and on about how it’s the best zombie comedy ever. These hyperbolistic comments only sense to infuriate those that have actually looked at the issue. This versus is necessitated by the fact that I personally would like these people to shut the hell up. Zombieland isn’t even a top 7 zombie comedy… and it certainly can’t compare to the excellence that is Shaun of the Dead. If you don’t believe me, read on and find out why Zombieland is inferior to Shaun of the Dead.

Shaun of the Dead

Tale of the Tape:
Shaun of the Dead
Release Year: 2004
Runtime: 99 minutes
Budget: $4,000,000
Director: Edgar Wright
Cast: Simon Pegg, Kate Ashfield, Nick Frost, Lucy Davis, Dylan Moran, Nicola Cunningham
Vocab’s Movie Review Score: 8 out of 10
Shaun of the Dead Drinking Game Score: 5 out of 5… it will have you feeling like a zombie by the end of the movie.

Zombieland

Zombieland
Release Year: 2009
Runtime: 80 minutes
Budget: $23,000,000 (Estimated)
Director: Ruben Fleischer
Cast: Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Bill Murray, Emma Stone, Abigail Breslin
Vocab’s Movie Review Score: 7 out of 10
Zombieland Drinking Game Score: 5 out of 5… it will also have you feeling like a zombie by the end of the movie.

I told you Edgar Wright loves zombies!

Round 1: Genesis

Rarely does the inspiration for a film become a relevant topic in a Versus piece, but in this case, it leads to some critical faults within Zombieland. Shaun of the Dead was created by people who obviously love zombie movies. The myriad references within the film transform Shaun of the Dead from a typical zombie comedy into a piece of horror-genius. Zombieland lacks this heart. It seems to be created as a simple piggyback film that was attempting to make some scratch. Its heartlessness can be exhibited in the fact that it completely ignores zombies and focuses on a love story for a majority of the middle of the film. Add to that, the fact that there are almost no actual zombies eating people in the movie, and you can see that Zombieland is designed to appeal to the masses, while ignoring the true zombie fans. Shaun of the Dead manages to appeal to all, from the raving zombie fan to the once in a while horror peruser, and for this reason Shaun of the Dead carries this category.

Winner: Shaun of the Dead
Scorecard: Shaun of the Dead 1, Zombieland 0

Tallahasse: "If we lose this category because of your unlikable ass, I'm gonna put this pickaxe through your fucking brain."

Round 2: Main Characters

Both films feature non-traditional characters, which is perhaps why both films work. Shaun of the Dead features the slacker-esque characters of Shaun and Ed. Shaun is a dead end pushover, who seizes the zombie apocalypse to become the man that he was capable of being. Ed also uses the zombie apocalypse to become what he has always wanted to be… a lazy good for nothing dude who never has to leave the couch. Both of these characters are utterly familiar to the typical zombie fan; they are the typical zombie fans. In Zombieland, the main characters are Columbus and Tallahassee. Columbus is an awktard, a bumbling fumbling ball of neuroses that is a pitiful sight to behold. While his list of rules and awkwardness sometimes leads to hilarity, he is ultimately annoying… and his lame quest for pussy drives the film down a peg. Tallahassee, on the other hand, may be the best character of the bunch. His Twinkie-loving, zombie-slaying ways hide a dreadful secret… but damn is he fun. Of course, a cast of characters is only as strong as its weakest link, so despite the fact that Tallahassee kicks ass, Columbus sucks. Shaun of the Dead takes the category.

Winner: Shaun of the Dead
Scorecard: Shaun of the Dead 2, Zombieland 0

Round 3: Wasteland Action

Both films take place in a world overrun with zombies. Shaun of the Dead’s world is a little fresher and suburban, while Zombieland’s chaos is total. This is the one category that Zombieland completely crushes in. Zombieland’s scope is out of this world and its exploration of America, amusement parks, gas stations, and Bill Murray’s home is adequately large enough and one of the most fascinating aspects of the movie. Of course, the fact that Zombieland had four times the budget of Shaun of the Dead definitely contributed to this disparity. I don’t know that Zombieland would have been nearly as cool with a meager budget of 4 million bones.

Winner: Zombieland
Scorecard: Shaun of the Dead 2, Zombieland 1

Poor David.

Round 4: Zombie Carnage

What most zombie comedies forget is the fact that they are indeed zombie movies. Any zombie movie worth its salt must provide some kickass zombie carnage. When I say zombie carnage, I’m not talking about people fucking up zombies… that’s easy. I’m talking about zombies destroying people. All too many a good zombie comedy has forgotten the fact that humans get eaten by zombies… and failed to show any of it. Zombieland is one such movie. While scores of zombies are killed throughout the movie, actual humans getting mauled by zombies is a rare occurrence, which is ultimately disappointing… especially since most people will want to see Jesse Eisenberg get eaten up anyway. In Shaun of the Dead, several main characters are delivered over as offering to the zombie gods, the most satisfying of which is David’s death in The Winchester. Zombieland doesn’t put up much of a fight in this category, and Shaun of the Dead easily strolls out as the winner.

Winner: Shaun of the Dead
Scorecard: Shaun of the Dead 3, Zombieland 1

Make me laugh, clown!

Round 5: Humor

Humor is always a difficult thing to dissect, mostly because people’s senses of humors come in so many different shades. Shaun of the Dead features a nice range of humor that will play to a wide variety of snigger-loving fans. There’s some slapstick action, the dreaded repetition-style humor, deadpan line delivery, and the always welcome fiddling with audience expectations. In short, Shaun of the Dead covers the spectrum of humor like few movies do… and while none of it is all that intelligent, it does manage to please most people looking for a laugh. Zombieland’s humor comes in two varieties. The snarky comment and the situationally quirky. The humor in Zombieland seems to be geared towards a certain scope of people… namely people who like Arrested Development and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. For people looking for something a little more above barrel, there isn’t much to go around. Either you adopt the main character’s neuroses and get some chuckles, or you’re shit out of luck. Clearly, Shaun of the Dead sports a more versatile range of humor, so it takes the category.

Winner: Shaun of the Dead
Scorecard: Shaun of the Dead 4, Zombieland 1

We're in love?

Round 6: Love Story

For reasons unknown to me, every zombie comedy ever made has to feature a love story. It coincides with my theory that humans only operate and do stuff in the hopes of getting laid… but honestly, in a movie I could ditch the whole situation because it’s been done to death… and in death. But, it still happens with 99% of movies you see, so let’s look at which movie had the less shitty romance in it. Zombieland’s romance is between an awktard and one of the last few chicks in the world. It’s a forced relationship which is completely unbelievable. No one in their right mind would sleep with Jesse Eisenberg… that’s a fact. I don’t care if it is the end of the world. Then there’s also the fact that all things zombie are shoved to the side to focus on the lame budding relationship between Eisenberg and Stone’s characters, creating the biggest flaw of Zombieland, the half-hour lull in the middle of the film which prevents it from being a great movie instead of merely good one. In Shaun of the Dead, there are actually two love stories… the platonic one between Ed and Shaun and the one between Shaun and his girl Liz. Both love stories work effectively and are handled with a subtlety that never interferes with the film’s central conceit… that of being a zombie movie. Even when the characters are hashing out their relationship differences, they are dealing with zombie troubles… and being funny. However, in Zombieland, everything screeches to a grinding halt as soon as Eisenberg gets a boner for Stone.

Winner: Shaun of the Dead
Scorecard: Shaun of the Dead 5, Zombieland 1

Round 7: Special Effects

Both films, being zombie movies, rely heavily on special effects to create a sense of realism. Shaun of the Dead relies heavily on practical effects and a few touches of CGI here and there. While overall, there isn’t necessarily as much gore and violence in Shaun of the Dead, the stuff that is there looks good enough that it can be lingered upon by the director. This lends it the feel of a much more violent and bloody movie. Zombieland takes the complete opposite route towards special effects nirvana. It goes the route of CGI splats of blood… and does little else. There are a couple of cool practical pieces, but nothing that is truly memorable. Zombieland chooses to give you lots of little bits of violence, quick flashes of the red stuff, that disappear in the blink of an eye. In this respect, the violence in Zombieland is literally forgettable, which gives Shaun of the Dead the final category it needs to win this Versus.

Winner: Shaun of the Dead
Final Score: Shaun of the Dead 6, Zombieland 1

The zombie comedy champion is Shaun of the Dead. It wasn’t even a close battle. Zombieland’s quick-editing, rather ball-less gore, and it’s love story in the middle of the movie prevent it from being as good as the movie could have been. It’s still a good movie and a top ten zombie comedy for sure, but if you ever hear someone saying it’s the best zombie comedy ever, point ‘em my way and have them read the breakdown. If they still keep saying it, punch them in the balls and let them know that they are a moron. Then punch them in the balls continuously until their testes burst, so that they can’t spread their moronory and contaminate the gene pool further. (Replace the word balls with ovaries if your friend is a woman.)

The Trophy Goes to Shaun of the Dead!

Tags: 2004, 2009, abigail breslin, awktard, better shaun of the dead or zombieland?, Bill Murray, british, british horror, dylan moran, edgar wright, emma stone, european, european horror, foreign, foreign horror, foreign movie, horror, horror comedy, horror movie, jesse eisenberg, kate ashfield, movie versus movies, nick frost, recent3, romantic comedy, ruben fleischer, shaun of the dead, simon pegg, woody harrelson, zombie, zombie boobs, zombie comedy, zombie movies, zombieland, zombies